I have a rough draft that has already been summited in the class so I want you t

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I have a rough draft that has already been summited in the class
so I want you to rewrite (revise) it.
NO more than 5 errors are allowed for this assignment.
I need a strong thesis and organization
Title is not required
For our third essay, we will begin exploring an essential question that will carry us, in a variety of ways, through the rest of the semester. For this writing task, you will draw on your experiences and observations as a participant (willing or unwilling) of this society and culture, as well as ideas and insights generated from a series of outside sources (to be provided for you), to develop insights generated from the following essential question: What impact is our current use of, interaction with, and consumption of various forms of digital technology having on our thoughts and perceptions of ourselves, others, and the world around us?
Some (not all) ideas we will respond and react to: Farhad Manjo observes that “link analysis”will customize much of our on-line experiences and, “based on our [interaction with] social networks, [show] us “exactly what we want.”Sherry Turkle states that we are “tethered to our on-line selves,”creating a new “state of the self, ”a“virtual second self.”Mark Richel warns that our love of technology can “manipulate us in ways that we do not see.”Nicholas Carr feels that his mind has become “perpetually distracted.”Clive Thompson explores the idea that “boredom”is actually a seed of creativity, and we as a society fear and avoid boredom, thus eating away at our collective creativity. Samuel Freedman sees technology having an impact on education. Thoughts and perceptions ARE being impacted. The debate, the argument, is not over if, but how thoughts and perceptions are being impacted. And you, the current generation, are on the front lines of this debate: we, as a society and culture are looking to you to determine the mental and even physical form the future will take.
Requirements
•4-5 pages of development
MLA format throughout the essay
•Use of fundamentals of introduction, thesis, topic sentences, transitions, and conclusion
•Thesis will be formulated as response to the essential question
•Developed “evidence”based on your experience and observations supporting your thesis. Here you will use narration and description to illustrate points
•“Evidence”must be analyzed and discussed in the context of how it supports, illustrated, clarifies your thesis
•Integration of two of the outside essays or passages we discuss in class. These can be in support of your position. These can serve to introduce or illustrate a topic you will elaborate on. These can be used to introduce or illustrate a point you will counter or challenge
•The outside material must be cited correctly in your essay and documented on a works cited page
• Mission College English Department Grammar Policy
Students in English 1A, 1AX, 1B, 1C , English Electives and Survey Courses are expected to produce out-of-class, formal writing assignments with no more than 5 major errors per page (300 words) to demonstrate passing-level work. In-class writing may have slightly more major errors and still be passing level. Major writing and grammar errors include syntax, usage, and punctuation. Clear and objective feedback on writing errors is intended to foster student awareness, motivation and growth opportunities in editing and proofreading skills.
Important Distinctions
The most common mistake made with this essay is to misinterpret the essential question. This question is not asking you if digital technology is good or bad. We have done this kind of thinking before. In other words, the following is not what we are looking for: social media is good because it allow us to stay in touch with friends and family, keeps us up to date with important news, and gives us a platform for expression. Instead, we are interested in directions such as, our interaction with social media is putting us into echo chambers, which in turn is creating a more divisive and hostile view of society.

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